$ Is my life worth living? (2008-Mar-21)
every day i wake up and i have to ask myself "is my life worth living?" there is so much strife in my life that sometimes i find it hard to bare. most of my problems start with the fact that i am adopted. my dad molested two of my three sisters. people think all four of us were molested but it can not be proven. i was taken out of my home at the age of 2months. from that time to the time i was adopted at the age of 2years old. i went through 12 foster homes. because of that i have a love deficience dissorder. it is almost impossible for me to feel love from others. i view what people call love as acts of kindness not love. because i grew up seeing nothing as love i learned at a very early age that to protect myself i had to put up walls. so every time i felt threatened(emotionally) i would through up my wall. and i am still strugling with that. i have never had any friends. there is only one person i have ever loved and she does not even love me back, that hurts, a lot. these things i have listed are just a sample of the deep dark secreats that haunt my life. i bare pain that i cannot seem to get rid of. i have parrents who have disowned me and hate me, and blame every thing that has happend in our family on me. people of my generation, my own peers discriminate me, for reasons i do not know, what is my purpose in life? i know what God wants me to do but the opression i am under is keeping me from him, sighhh i dont see a point in my life
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$ hey (posted by Godsgal on 2008-Mar-29)
*hugs* *hugs* *hugs*
I'm soo sorry that you had to experience what a loveless life is like. Your life is worth living, believe me...it is! There is a plan that God has for your life. You weren't created for nothing. You weren't created to live, breathe, and die. The point of life? There isn't any point in God creating you if what you went through is all you're gonna go through. Try to look beyond your life of pain and loneliness. Accept those acts of kindness. Bring your pains to Christ. It's definitely easier said than done.
I know this seems like just of the usual blah blah that Christians are always blabbering about. Like: bringeverythingtoGodHecaresforyouHelovesyouHe'lltakeallyourpainaway..etc. I've heard it all before too =). I mean, yeah, it's true...He will take your pain when you give it to Him to carry. But...it really isn't all that easy, is it? Surrendering life long struggles?
I mean, I'm struggling with surrendering all my pain to God, too. But you know what? I know that once I find the courage to just full out surrender it all, I'll find the peace that I'm searching for because I've experienced His love in such a way that it seems like it shouldn't have happened to me, you know? But, I'm glad He allowed me to catch a glimpse of it because if it weren't for that, I'd not only be questioning the purpose of my life but also of His very existence!
I encourage you to take some time out of the busyness of life and just reflect upon your life and maybe write down things that you have gone through. Writing them down and getting it all off your chest is therapeutic. You can also blog it all out (in private posts if you wish) and then just bring the whole load to God in prayer. It helps in the long run.
I hope this comment encourages you! (Email me if you wish -- just go to my profile page by clicking on my name. It should be there.)
Take Care!
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